Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I bet Mick Jagger has ingrown hairs.

In a moment of wannabe rock stardom, I bought a pair of black skinny jeans. They're not even the skinniest hipster skinny jeans, but damn these things are ridiculous: I traded in my boxers for boxer briefs; I tug patiently to get them over my runners quads and calves; I actually think I'm getting ingrown hairs because of how tight they are.

Monday, April 27, 2009

a new kind of great product

I should make some anti-swine-flu surgical masks. They'll look something like this (without the stolen pig image):




It's quite the fashion statement!
*Also great for vegetarians and Jews!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Dick Cheney has something to say.

Dick Cheney insists, with vague references to classified documents, that "enhanced interrogation techniques" work. But he won't be more specific. Perhaps we can use some of these enhanced interrogation techniques to get the man to speak up and say what we want him to.