Why are single girls single? They do not know. They think they are "awesome." I am going to examine this issue by attempting to find a common thread among personal ads. After all, girls who post personal ads are single, and if we can find traits that unite them, then we will have found our answer. My research yields:
Hypothesis no. 1: Girls who are single are not very bright and/or are boring.
Evidence: Girls who are single often claim, in personal ads, to like "the simple things in life." The simple things in life are boring and lack entirely in sophistication. There is little respect for simplicity
Solution: Doing nothing is the simplest thing in life. Doing everything would be the opposite. At the very least, express interest in the complex, show some passion for the complicated and extraordinary.
Hypothesis no. 2: Girls who are single are criminals.
Evidence: Single girls are constantly looking for a partner in crime.
Solution: Give up the life of crime and find interesting, legal things to do. Legal doesn't have to mean boring or simple. In fact, there are many wonderful legal things to do: like dancing or sports or spelunking.
Hypothesis no. 3: Girls who are single are not fun.
Evidence: "Not into games" the ad proudly declares.
Solution: Not into board games? Fun games? Olympic games? Any games? Games are fun. Learn to have some fun; guys like fun girls.
Hypothesis no. 4: Girls who are single are unable to write well.
Evidence: Single girls write ads that claim to like the simple things in life, are looking for a partner in crime, and are not into games. (Also they like long walks on the beach.)
Solution: No clue.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
A misreading of personal ad cliches.
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4 comments:
Why are single girls single?
Well, marriage is not necessary for survival anymore-- so we are all looking for someone we feel adds to our lives. Someone we have a connection with and will enjoy spending the rest of our lives with day after day.
Having more choices in life has made it harder to make the most important choices because of the number of options.
I am not sure the modern world has impacted men's choices in a mate as much. Seems like men still base their selctions on attraction and the way the woman makes them feel about themselves. But, this is only a guess. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Happily Ever After!
www.PrincessBubble.com
Andy you should be a consultant for single girls whose personal ads suck.
Susan:
This post was just a joke. Why is anyone single? I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't be single. If we make the assumption that no one wants to be single (an assumption that may or may not be true of everyone, but I think is generally true of most people), then I blame market inefficiency. The proliferation of online dating is just another attempt at connecting people who otherwise wouldn't be able to. It does an admirable job and certainly is a welcome addition to traditional avenues, but it is still not fail-safe. I discuss this in my never-to-be-finished novel, but since there are a finite number of men and women, then there must be some optimal way in which we match everyone up in pairs, assuming an equal number of each. In this optimal pairing, the aggregate amount of happiness would be achieved, even if every individual pairing is not optimal. So, we simply need to figure out how to do this, assure everyone that it's for the best, and that's that.
As you said, having lots of choices complicates things. Have you read The Paradox of Choice? It isn't so much a paradox, as it is a failure of understanding that not all choices are actually choices. They're just fake choices to confuse you. I am often confused by these fake choices that seem rational but are unreachable. People are all in denial. Everyone thinks they're great. They're not. Everyone thinks they deserve everything but they don't. There needs to be some way to measure everyone so they know exactly who they are and exactly what they deserve. Then, we can have optimal efficiency in the pairing of people.
I don't actually believe all of that. But I like to think about it anyway. I don't know. Frankly, I think the whole world works on luck.
Brian:
If I were to consult single girls whose personal ads suck, it would go something like this:
If you are:
a) hot, see Andy
b) not, see someone else.
I can't imagine anyone doing it any other way.
I would be a bad consultant anyway. My personal ad is designed to not get any replies at all:
short asian male seeks unobtainable beauty.
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