The Second Greatest Toast

I thought it was lost forever, but I've recovered the index cards on which I wrote the toast I gave for Jason's wedding. Here it is:

I would like to preface this by saying that when Jason asked me to be best man, he said it was on the condition that I be nice. I had no idea what that meant. So I tried to reassure him by saying that I would give the greatest toast ever and strangely this only worried him more. So let me just say that at best, this is only the second greatest toast, and we can all thank Jason for that.

I first met Jason in the first week of college almost nine years ago and I said, "you look like Alex James," who is a good-looking popular-with-the-ladies British musician. I did not speak to Jason again for a year, but I saw him again, he remembered me, and we started hanging out. It is funny because I imagined that Jason must know all the pretty girls, must be really good around them. Turns out I was absolutely wrong. See, Jason and I would go to parties and end up talking to each other. It was hard to tell which of us was actually worse around girls, and it was like we sat around trying to figure it out to no avail.

Well today, Jason got married. It would seem that he figured it out before I did. This is not true. I'm pretty sure Jason did everything wrong and I can prove this because Jason asked me for advice. What happened was that Jason got extremely lucky. That is honestly what I think. Jason got very lucky because he met Sunny and Sunny was a girl for whom none of the games and posturing mattered, and she saw Jason for the great person he was right away. The two of them realized very early on that they had something special not even my bad advice could deter.

I was there on their first date, for part of it anyway, with some others at a bar in Ithaca. I wish I have an amusing anecdote, some snippet of conversation, to report, but I don't. The two of them were sort of off to the side whispering to each other, and if you saw them at any point tonight, you'd know what I mean because they do exactly the same thing now.

I think this tells us two things. The first is that from their first date, they knew they'd found someone to confide in. The second is that they still constantly find new and fresh little secrets for each other today just as they did when they first met. I know them both very well and I don't think they'll be running out of things to whisper to each other. So please join me in a drink for Sunny and Jason, both of whom I love dearly. I hear they're going to Costa Rica so instead of cheers let me say: Arriba, abajo, al centro, para adentro.